Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality to make them question their own sanity, memory, or perception of events. The term comes from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying that anything has changed.
Gaslighting can take many forms, but some common tactics include:
Denial – The abuser denies that something happened, or that they said or did something, even when confronted with evidence.
Projection – The abuser accuses the victim of doing things that the abuser is actually doing, such as lying or cheating.
Gaslighting by omission – The abuser withholds important information or changes the subject to confuse the victim and make them doubt their own understanding of the situation.
Minimization – The abuser downplays the victim’s feelings or concerns, making them feel like they are overreacting or being unreasonable.
Blame-shifting – The abuser blames the victim for things that are not their fault, making them feel guilty and responsible for the abuser’s behavior.
Here are three examples of gaslighting:
Example 1: A spouse accuses their partner of being unfaithful, even though there is no evidence to support the accusation. When confronted, the spouse denies making the accusation and claims that the partner is overreacting.
Example 2: A boss gives an employee a task to complete, but doesn’t provide clear instructions or enough time to finish the task. When the employee fails to complete the task to the boss’s satisfaction, the boss accuses the employee of being incompetent and not taking their job seriously. When the employee tries to explain the situation, the boss denies ever giving unclear instructions or not providing enough time.
Example 3: A friend constantly puts down another friend, criticizing their appearance, their interests, and their choices. When the friend who is being criticized speaks up and defends themselves, the other friend accuses them of being too sensitive and not able to take a joke. Over time, the friend who is being criticized begins to doubt themselves and their self-worth.
How should one deal with someone who is gas lighting?
Dealing with someone who is gaslighting can be difficult and emotionally challenging, but there are some strategies that can help:
Recognize the behavior: The first step in dealing with gaslighting is to recognize the behavior for what it is. Pay attention to how the person is making you feel and trust your instincts. If you feel like you’re being manipulated, chances are you are.
Set boundaries: It’s important to set clear boundaries with the person who is gaslighting you. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it. Be firm but calm when setting these boundaries, and stick to them.
Keep a journal: Keeping a journal of incidents where the person is gaslighting you can help you stay grounded in reality. Write down what happened, how you felt, and any evidence you have that the person is lying or manipulating you.
Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend or family member, or a mental health professional, can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies. Having someone to talk to can also help you feel less alone.
Take care of yourself: Gaslighting can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Practice self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Consider ending the relationship: If the gaslighting behavior continues and the person is unwilling to change, it may be necessary to end the relationship. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being over maintaining a toxic relationship.
It is difficult to estimate the percentage split of male/female gaslighters because the behavior is not limited to one gender. Both men and women can engage in gaslighting behavior, and it can happen in any type of relationship, including romantic, familial, and professional relationships.
Some studies suggest that men are more likely to engage in aggressive forms of gaslighting, such as physical violence and threats, while women may be more likely to engage in more subtle forms, such as emotional manipulation and passive-aggressive behavior. However, it’s important to note that gaslighting is a behavior that is not exclusive to one gender, and anyone can be a victim or perpetrator of this behavior.
Gaslighting can have serious consequences for the victim’s mental health, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can also make it difficult for the victim to trust their own judgment or make decisions.
If you think you are being gaslighted, it’s important to seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. It’s also important to remember that you are not alone, and that gaslighting is a form of abuse that is not your fault.